The Path Forward Is The One We Often Fear The Most

I recently came across a quote by trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk that stopped me in my tracks:

“One day he told me he’d spent his adulthood trying to let go of his past, and he remarked how ironic it was that he had to get closer to it in order to let it go.”

It resonated deeply because, for so long, my pursuit of success was an attempt to escape my own past.

But the irony, as Bessel van der Kolk suggests, is that the very thing I tried to avoid became the barrier that held me back.

I poured myself into accomplishments, hoping they would be enough to build a wall between me and the pain I didn’t want to face—I didn't want to feel.

Yet, no matter how high I climbed, the unresolved parts of me came along for the ride.

The emptiness remained. Externally successful, internally bankrupt.

The truth I was avoiding is one many leaders and people face: we can’t outrun, outwork or outperform our pain.

We can only resolve it by turning towards it, by befriending it.

I get it. It's the last thing any of us want to do.

So, we’ve mastered the art of staying busy, of filling our schedules and silencing the discomfort with productivity.

But here’s the paradox: the more we try to ignore the pain, the more power it holds over us.

It wasn’t until I stopped running and made the uncomfortable choice to get closer to the pain that real healing began.

I had to befriend the very wounds I’d spent a lifetime avoiding.

As a result, I started to tap into the inner peace, satisfaction and fulfillment I was always convinced would come on the other side of the next achievement.

The truth is, there is a big difference between moving your life forward because you want to step into your fullest potential versus moving your life forward to avoid stillness.

Because in the stillness, we have to confront the deeper pain of our lives.

One approach is life-giving and the other is life-draining.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the work that truly transforms us, that leads to the capacity that allows us to truly flourish in life, isn’t about achieving more—it’s about making peace with what already is.

It’s about holding the parts of ourselves that still hurt with compassion instead of judgment.

Only then can we create a life that’s not just externally successful but also internally balanced.

This is the new kind of leadership (at work and at home) we need today—one that isn’t afraid to face what’s been buried, to sit with the discomfort, and to heal from the inside out.

Because when we do this, we don’t just lead better—we live better.

Until next time, keep leading from the heart and remember: sometimes, the only way forward is inward.

As always, I’m rooting for you. We’re in this together.