It Wasn’t Supposed To Happen Like This

I’ll never forget the look on your face as you turned your head back towards me right before you disappeared beyond the double wide doors leading into the operating room.

Only three short minutes ago you were getting ready to take a nap as we were just told that we had a long labor ahead of us. You loved the idea of a nap.

But then the beeping of the machines escalated, again, and the room was filled with the chaotic energy of 9 different nurses rushing to solve the problem. And then our doctor walked into the room, and her face told me everything.

“Kara,” she calmly but adamantly said, “I know this isn’t what you planned, but this is life or death for your daughter and we have to go now. Dad, they’ll come for you after she is prepped.

I walked with you as far as they would let me and I said to you the only thing I knew to say.

“Kara, look at me. I need you to trust that we’re being held right now. We’re being held. We’re being held.” And you did.

You were so damn strong.

———

People keep telling me how this experience of emergency c-sections happens all the time, but when this unexpected experience knocks on your door—it doesn’t matter how common it is. For nine months we prepared for this beautiful moment and we prepared for it in the way that we wanted to experience it.

And in the matter of minutes, everything changed.

Yes, there is so much to be grateful for and there’s this beautiful new life that we are celebrating, but there is also so much grief and loss. Kara and I have been slowly adjusting to life with this beautiful addition to our family as well as processing this experience.

We talk all about it all on the latest episode of our podcast, Happily Together with Kara and Caleb.

And Kara, I am so beyond blessed to share this life with you and I’m beyond thankful that I get to raise our daughter with you. Since meeting you under the Kentucky stars that summer night my life has been nothing short of magical and I’m so so grateful.

Note: thank you to everyone who has reached out and sent kind words as well as Venmo for meals and such. WE are beyond thankful.