2021 Year In Review

If you’re anything like me, then it’s easy to go an entire year and pay attention and focus on what didn’t happen versus what did happen. So, in order to see and acknowledge my growth over the course of 2021, I sat down and wrote about the big shifts that happened throughout this year. In order to read through it more efficiently, I broke up into parts.


Part 1 — Saying Goodbye To The City Of Angels

Kara was ready to leave the city of angels well before me, but I eventually came around and we found ourselves packing our big yellow truck and making our way to Nashville, TN at the beginning of the year.

This move was initially hard for me and I resisted—I resisted so much that it started to create serious health complications. I know this lesson because I’ve learned it the hard way. When we resist our truth and we decide to make a home in the land of self-betrayal, it’s going to get messy.

When I lived in Buffalo, NY, and I knew it was time to leave but I was delaying. I ended up getting t-boned at an intersection and I was forced to be in bed for a good week and I had no choice but to deal with all the feelings I was avoiding. Luckily, this time around I wasn’t t-boned but I did throw out my back which still stands as the most intense pain I think I’ve ever really experienced in my 37 years of living. But, nonetheless, I found myself in bed for a good couple of weeks where I was once again forced to deal with the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that I was avoiding.

In other words, I was forced to begin grieving and letting go.

In so many ways, leaving Los Angeles wasn’t about just leaving a city, it was about leaving all the ways I thought my life was going to change, but never did. I love Los Angeles and it will always remain as one of my favorite cities in the world, but I always felt like I was peeking my head around the corner looking for the next thing to happen. And in always looking for the next thing to happen, I was never fully present in my life—and that started to take a toll.

The distance between where I was and where I thought I should be handcuffed me to a life of perpetual dissatisfaction.

So, when we moved to Nashville, the slowness of life here was the perfect sanctuary for me to begin to lean into and begin to heal the more ambiguous losses of my life—the unmet expectations of where I thought I should be in life and what I thought my life should look like and start doing the hard work of accepting who I am, where I am.

We were only here for a few short months when I found myself laying on my yoga mat after doing some breathing. Feeling the weight of my life being supported by the ground beneath me, I had this surreal moment where I realized that there was no other place that I wanted to be then right there. Tears begin to flow and I had this almost out-of-body experience where I felt like Mother Earth was wrapping her arms around me and I tangibly felt like my life—my existence—was being held.

Words make it seem trite, but this was easily one of the most monumental moments of this 12 year healing journey that I’ve been on.

David Whyte, one of my favorite philosophers and poets, has a line in a poem that when I first read it, I knew it was God speaking directly to me. When I read it, I knew that this is where my soul was leading me.

“Give up all other worlds except the one to which you belong to here and now.”

And it was here, in Nashville, arguably for the first time of my life, I tasted the freedom that comes when you ‘give up all other worlds except the one to which you belong to here and now’ and accept who you are, where you are—and it’s become the new baseline for my life. I plan on writing more extensively on this, but the freedom, the happiness and the ease of life that I have began to experience since this moment has been life-altering.

More than anything, I’ve spent the majority of my life feeling like I’m trying to survive and with this shift— I don’t feel that way any longer. I feel safe in my life and in my body. And the more I rest in this place, the more I’m starting to realize this is the heaven on earth Jesus spoke about.

All in all, we’re excited about setting up roots here in Nashville (unless we get a clear knowing that we should be somewhere else) and we’re even more excited about the community that we are building.

I will say that when Kara and I decide to buy, we’ll more than likely be looking to buy on land outside of the city. Similar to the way that I felt traveling through the hills of Los Angeles


Part 2 — Kara and I Celebrated Our First Year In Marriage

Kara and I celebrated our first year of marriage and truthfully it’s still the easiest thing that I’ve ever done as well as the most life-giving experience of my short 37 years of living. I said this early on in our relationship, but I was more than convinced that I messed up any chance of me ever finding my soul partner, but when I met Kara I suddenly had a front row seat to the grace of God at work in my life.

So now, every time I wake up next to her, I’m reminded of a truth that can heal any life—no matter your past, you can’t outrun love.

This has been a year of transitions and change so as you can imagine, we’ve had the chance to laugh together, to celebrate each other, and also the chance to hold space for one another as we’ve each come undone time and time again.

But despite the transitions and change and the uncertainty and unfamiliarity that comes with it, I’m really proud of the way we’ve shown up with such intentionality and awareness in our first year of marriage. With living so much of this year in the in-between, it would have been easy to fold under the stress and pressure and turn against one another from time to time—but that just didn’t happen. I honor both of us when it comes to us each doing a great job at owning the energy that we bring into the room.

Something that I’ve fallen more in love with over this past year is traveling with Kara. I mean, it’s kind of hard not to love traveling with her. She has this uncanny ability to make going to your local CVS to pick up toilet paper feel like you're going to Disneyland. So when we find ourselves hiking in the Tetons or drinking wine in Northern California or swimming in the Great Lakes, everything, and I mean everything, is the adventure of a lifetime and I absolutely adore and love that about her.

(As I’m writing this, there’s a smile painted across my face as I think about the kind of mom she’s going to be.)

Yes, while loving her has been the most life-giving experience of my life, I’m still learning how to allow myself to be loved—and this is something that I’ve been intentionally leaning into over this past year.

Up until Kara, I’ve never really allowed myself to be seen or let people in. Sure, I was really good at loving and encouraging those who I was in relationship with, but I never let them love me.

There’s a few different reasons for this, but one of the big reasons is that I never felt emotionally safe inside of a relationship to the point where I would allow myself to really be seen. But since meeting Kara, if there’s one word that I’ve felt since day one it’s that—safe. And because I feel so safe, I’ve been able and willing to invite Kara into the most fragile parts of my life and my inner world.

In other words, I’m learning how to allow myself to be loved and it’s breaking my heart wide open in the best of ways.

What I value so much about Kara and what was evident time and time again this past year, is that Kara protects this emotional safety inside of our relationship in an intentional way. There are no crass jokes at my expense, there’s no hitting me when I’m down, and there’s no piling on guilt when I make a mistake. She knows that I take some time to process things before I open up and talk about them, and she trusts my process and gives me space to do that. And because of all of this, I feel so safe with her and I’m tasting the new life that comes when you allow yourself to be loved.

All in all, I love us and I absolutely love and cherish what we have. And honestly, if nothing changed within the context of this relationship it would be enough—my heart is so full. But something in me can’t help but to think that we’re just getting started.


Part 3 — We Got Pregnant. (Well, Kara got pregnant, I just helped make it happen)

Kara and I were never sure on having kids, but when we moved to Nashville, something in both of us shifted. And because we both realized that we wanted this, Kara insisted that we start trying because she was just convinced that it was going to take a while to get pregnant, but sure enough, the second time of trying was a winner.

I will say that Kara getting pregnant represents so much more than just bringing a child into this world. Yes, that’s part of it, but more than anything this child represents the expansion that can come into our lives when we honor our truth and create the physical, emotional and energetic space to invite in new life.

Over this year, with the move from Los Angeles and getting pregnant, it’s become so apparent that when we commit to living emotionally honest lives, leaning into our own healing and create the space in our hearts and lives—expansion is inevitable. It’s exactly the work that Kara and I each did individually leading up to us meeting one another and now it was exactly what we did leading up to Kara getting pregnant.

I honestly don’t know if we’re going to try to have another kid in the future but I do know that we will be dreaming dreams together and when it comes time to birth them, we both know that we’ll have to create the space for it to happen. This past year has been a year of creating space by grieving, healing and letting go and I can’t help but to think that in a lot of ways it has set the precedent for our lives as we get more clear and focused on the life that we want to create and experience.

Creating space is hard work because you can’t create space without letting go of something. Letting go is scary and unfamiliar and it is the antithesis to the certainty we either consciously or subconsciously to create in our lives, but it’s the prerequisite to experiencing the expansion that is available to each and everyone of us.

Note: I wrote an ebook on how to create space in your life and you can find that on my website at www.calebcampbell.me.

As so many of you can relate, Kara and I have received so much advice (wanted and unwanted) from the masses and while so much of it has been helpful, there are two things that have stuck with me that I want to share here.

1. Nothing has hit me as hard or has stuck with me like the words that Julie Lythcott-Haims shared with me on a podcast episode earlier in the year. In a conversation bout over-parenting, Julie went on to say, “the minute your kid can walk, they’re learning to walk away from you.”

I honestly don’t think there has a been a day that has gone by where I haven’t pondered those words. I’m still sitting with it but something about this so deeply resonates with me and how I long to parent. There’s nothing that I want more than to help this little human grow into her own so that she can feel safe and secure in this world without us.

While I know that I’m going to mess it up more times than once, I’m committed to walking this line with intentionality, awareness and most importantly—self compassion.

2. Lastly, Kara and I read a book early on in the pregnancy where this world-renowned child expert / parenting coach was teaching a seminar to a bunch of prestigious men / fathers and they all wanted to know what they can do to make sure they give their child the best chances at getting into Harvard or Stanford or any other Ivy League school. His answer in response to these men shook me in the best of ways.

He goes on to explain that the one thing that they could do to help their children grow into successful adults is they can go home and love their spouse well. In other words, they can model healthy relationships.

I started to cry when I read this because I know that I'll screw this parenting thing up time and time again, but I also know that loving Kara well and modeling healthy relationships is in my power and control and I'm dedicated to making that happen.

I honestly can not wait to meet this tiny human. I never thought my heart could feel so full.

Oh by the way, telling our friends and family that we are expecting is easily one of my favorite videos ever.

You can watch it here: https://youtu.be/36QkmOpY-Yg


Part 4 — I Had 75 Speaking Engagements Over The Year

This is a big year for me when it comes to speaking and not because I had 75 engagements over the year. It’s a big year because it’s the year that I’ve realized that I’m a professional speaker and this is where I really want to focus my attention over the next foreseeable future.

Ever since I left the NFL and went on my healing journey, I haven’t really had passion for my future or vision to run after. All of my energy, focus, and time has been directed towards me better understanding myself and healing. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything, but it has taken a lot of energy for me to begin to lean into a new vision for my life and I finally feel like it’s materializing and it feels really good.

The funny thing is, despite speaking full time over the past few years, it’s taken a lot of work for me to actually believe in myself and believe that I’m a professional speaker. But, I believe in myself now more than I ever have and it feels good--and damn empowering, too.

I started speaking full time almost 4 years ago and the majority of these speaking engagements have been in schools. It’s been such a privilege to create space and empower student leaders to integrate their mental fortitude and commitment to excellence with the power of vulnerability and emotional skills so that they can succeed in life and not lose themselves in the process.

The stories that I’ve heard, the secrets that students have told me and the shame that has subsequently melted off their lives, the breakthroughs that I’ve witnessed…I’ll never forget this time of my life and speaking career.

But while my heart will always hold a special place for students, this next year I’m going to be moving away from working with students, except for keynotes, and move towards working with corporate executives by offering keynotes and training that aim to empower high capacity leaders and in building exceptional work environments so that everyone can show up as their whole selves and thrive.

So with that being said, if you know of any schools that are looking for a keynote / assembly or if you know any businesses / organizations that are looking for keynotes or training when it comes to helping leaders integrate their work ethic with emotional intelligence so that they can maximize their individual and team performance and elevate their overall experience of life, I’m here to help.

You can learn more about my Leadership Expansion Process, here.

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