What We Get Wrong About Grief

Like so many others, the fires in Los Angeles have captured my full attention. The devastation can't be ignored—it's too big.

And with the floods in North Carolina still fresh in mind, I’ve been thinking about grief—a lot.

Grief is often what we associate with the big losses in life.

The kind of heartbreak that stops us in our tracks and demands to be felt.

But lately, I’ve also been thinking about the small griefs—the ones we don’t always give ourselves permission to feel.

The ones we tell ourselves shouldn't matter as much.

The relationship that quietly unraveled. The promotion you didn't get after all your hard work. The version of your life you thought you’d be living by now.

When we compare these “micro losses” to something as overwhelming as a natural disaster or the death of a loved one, it’s easy to dismiss them.

To tell ourselves, This isn’t a big deal. Look at how bad others have it.

But here’s the thing: grief doesn’t come with a ranking system. It doesn’t wait for your loss to be “big enough” to matter.

Your loss, and your grief, are valid.

Whether it’s tied to something monumental or something small, grief deserves our attention.

Because if there is one thing I've learned time and time again is that grief isn’t here to ruin us—it’s here to expand us.

As you probably know, grief is uncomfortable. It’s inconvenient. And if you’re like me, you might try to outwork it or bury it under a to-do list.

But when we do this, we miss out on the gift of grief.

The depth of our grief, uncomfortable as it may be, creates space for something else: greater connection, more profound joy, and a deeper capacity to live fully.

Yes, in my experience, the more I've allowed myself to feel the grief for what could have been or for what I once had but no longer is, something unexpected happens...

It creates space—space to love more fully what is now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in today's world, while grief is inevitable—being present with it is a choice.

And whether it's now, or sometime in the future, I hope you make that choice.

Because when it comes to living a fulfilled life, it matters.

As Brené Brown has so beautifully said, “We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

As always, I'm rooting for you. We're in this together.

-Caleb

P.S. I wrote a blog on the grief that's been revisiting me and how I'm working through it.