Maybe Feeling Lost Is Part Of The Journey

For the longest time, I loathed the feeling of being lost in life. I mean, who doesn’t? For so many of us in our western culture, we were raised on the bottle of performancism. There’s always more to do, more to achieve, more to be.

Being lost only distances us from the things we want most in life—or that’s the story we tell ourselves.

And, if it wasn’t performancism, then chances are you were still raised and influenced in a way that resulted in you internalizing that being lost is a bad thing—that some part of you is intrinsically broken because you can’t find your way in life. For most of us, we were all taught from an early age, you have to get good grades so you can get the degree and land the big job. But, what we really heard time and time again is that there’s no time for being lost.

But as so many of us can attest, while we’ve followed all the rules, we still wake up feeling deeply and miserably lost. Whether it’s feeling lost in a relationship, a career, emotionally, or spiritually, lostness has kicked in the door of our life and has mirrored back to us the haunting truth that we don’t know who we are, where we are, or how to get where we desire to be.

But, is that such a bad thing? Uncomfortable, yes. But, bad?

The Divine Comedy is a poem written Dante Alighieri—an Italian poet, writer and philosopher. The poem traces his journey toward God from the night before Good Friday to the Wednesday after Easter. Dante goes on to say:

In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in a dark wood where the true way was wholly lost…I cannot rightly say how I entered it. I was so full of sleep, at the point where I abandoned the true way.

When I first heard this poem on an old YouTube video I had randomly playing, I was more than convinced that what I heard was holy lost—not wholly. I immediately dropped what I was doing and looked up the poem. Turns out that Dante used the word wholly, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how much being lost is, in fact, holy. 

When I did more research and found out more about how the poem traces Dante’s journey toward God from the night before Good Friday to the Wednesday after Easter—between death and resurrection—tears began to form in my eyes and I couldn’t help but to smile and say under my breathe—yes, holy.

Being lost is holy.

I’m a 4 wing 3 on the Enneagram, and if you know anything about the Enneagram, then you know a 4w3 is someone who deeply afraid of living an insignificant life and will dive to the bottom of the ocean to find the treasure that we truly seek—a life of meaning, purpose and significance. Feeling lost in life always made me feel like I was being pulled out by the current of life and further away from the treasure that I seek. I had no time for it. So, as you can imagine, whenever I felt lost in life, I would frantically begin to swim into more productivity, more success, more relationships, more doing, anything that might help me find what I’m looking for in life. But eventually, regardless of your willful attempt to keep your head above water, you get tired of swimming.

Eventually, you begin to sink—you begin to surrender.

I’ve exhausted myself, my relationships and my life trying to swim my way out of feeling lost more times than I can count. And, each time I found myself sinking, each time I found myself in that liminal space that comes between the death of an old way of living that no longer serves me and the resurrection of new life, I’ve started to realize that that feeling lost in life isn’t something to be afraid of. Yes, it’s deeply uncomfortable. But feeling lost in life is a holy space.

Only when we are lost can we actually find something.

More than that, I’ve begin to realize that being lost in life is maybe the only way we can find what we are truly looking for. It was the only way that I could begin to see that the ground I’ve been looking for has been the ground I’ve been standing on all along.

In my experience, it’s through feeling lost and surrendering to it that you begin to live more in the present. And, as Richard Rohr would say:

It’s in the present that we can experience the Presence.

So, begin to trust that place of not knowing. Surrender to it. A death is happening. There will be grief. But gradually, in the rebirth of life, a new way emerges.

Being lost ushers you more fully into the now. We are often so busy trying to get into a an imagined future that we’ve lost the present moment. We’ve lost the self—the soul—that lives and breathes only in the here and now. // Bill Plotkin

Two weeks into lockdown, I came across a poem by David Wagner called Lost. What drew me to the poem was not only the poem itself, but the story to the poem. The poem is actually a teaching story that the Native American’s of the Pacific Northwest would use when the children would come up to the elders and ask them a very important question, “what do I do if I find myself lost in the woods.” If you’ve ever been the forest in the Pacific Northwest then you’ll quickly realize that this is a life or death question. The poem is the answer that the elders would give in response to this question.

As you read the poem, you’ll suddenly realize that this isn’t just about being lost in the forest, this is about being lost in life—and what we can do about it.

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,

Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.

If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows

Where you are. You must let it find you.

I remember when I first read this and how I immediately felt like I wasn’t just reading a poem, but I was reading scripture. I was reading scripture and it was leading me to the promise land.

And, I can’t help but to think that if you’re feeling lost in life, it will do the same for you. So, let me ask you a question that has transformed my life.

What does it look like to let the forest find you?

As always, I’m rooting for you. Dive deep, drown willingly. I’ll meet you there.

Best wishes on the descent.

- Caleb